Lesson 17: I See No Neutral Things
Lesson 17: This lesson builds on the previous one, making it clear that nothing we see is neutral because our thoughts aren’t neutral. It’s another step towards helping us recognise that our thoughts create what we perceive, even though it often feels like the outside world is influencing our thinking. But, it’s actually the other way around. Our thoughts shape how we see everything around us, even though we’ve trained ourselves to believe that our perceptions just "happen" to us.
This idea is another step in the direction of identifying cause and effect as it really operates in the world. You see no neutral things because you have no neutral thoughts.
We’ve all been there, right? An argument with someone we care about, where emotions run high and the situation spirals into a cycle of frustration. Yesterday, I had one of those moments with my husband. At first, he seemed frustrated, and even though I was okay initially, it didn’t take long for things to feel personal. I got defensive, and before we knew it, we were going in circles—bad things were said, feelings were hurt, and we both walked away feeling disconnected.
As I took a moment to reflect, something clicked. This argument wasn’t new, and we’ve been here before. We’ve studied nonviolent communication and have worked hard to handle situations with love and forgiveness, but in the heat of the moment, it’s easy to forget all that. When I looked back on the situation, I realised how Lesson 17 was playing out in real time. I was seeing things through the lens of my own thoughts, and those thoughts weren’t neutral.
The lesson teaches that you see no neutral things because you have no neutral thoughts. It's always the thought that comes first, even though we often think the situation itself is what triggers our feelings. In this case, my husband’s frustration hit a nerve, and I started thinking, “I’m not appreciated,” “I’m being wronged.” But those thoughts weren’t neutral—they were coming from my own past perceptions, guilt, and insecurities. It wasn’t just about what he was saying or doing; it was about how I was interpreting it through the filter of my own mind.
That’s the crux of this lesson: nothing we see is neutral because none of our thoughts are neutral. Every thought we have either feeds into peace or conflict, love or fear. When I reacted defensively, it wasn’t just a neutral reaction—it was coming from a place of fear and insecurity, which then projected onto the argument. My husband’s frustrations probably came from his own thoughts and feelings of guilt or not feeling valued, and then the cycle continued.
It’s easy to get bogged down in these negative thoughts, especially when they’re tied to feelings of guilt or not being appreciated. These thoughts are anything but neutral—they carry the weight of past experiences, unresolved emotions, and unspoken fears. But what really struck me after the argument was that we both knew better. We’ve learned how to communicate lovingly, how to forgive each other, and how to come back to a place of understanding.
Once I took a step back, I realised we had a choice. We could continue to spiral in that negative space, letting our unhelpful thoughts guide us, or we could shift towards forgiveness and love. That’s what this lesson reminds us: it’s not about the external situation, it’s about the thoughts we attach to it. We are always choosing how to see the world, and that choice is rooted in our thoughts. When we see things through the lens of frustration or guilt, the world reflects that back to us.
But here’s the thing: we don’t have to stay there. In that moment of reflection, I realised that this wasn’t about winning an argument or proving a point—it was about coming back to love. The lesson says, if perception were neutral, it would have no cause, and would itself be the cause of reality. But perception isn’t neutral, because our thoughts aren’t neutral. We get to decide how we see things, and when we choose love, that’s what we’ll see.
So, after we cooled off, I approached the situation with a different mindset. Instead of focusing on the frustration, I focused on how we could reconnect and understand each other better. I let go of those negative, guilt-ridden thoughts and instead chose to see the love that’s always been there between us. That’s the beauty of this lesson: it’s a reminder that no situation is set in stone, and our thoughts have the power to transform how we see the world.
By recognising that our thoughts are never neutral, we can start to take responsibility for how we see the world. It’s not about ignoring the challenges or pretending everything is fine, but about choosing to view those challenges through the lens of forgiveness and understanding. It’s not easy, and it takes practice, but that’s why these lessons are so powerful—they give us the tools to shift our perception and come back to peace.
Bibliography:
A Course in Miracles. Foundation for Inner Peace. A Course in Miracles: Combined Volume, 3rd Edition. Foundation for Inner Peace, 2007. URL: https://acim.org.
